CaptainChip Series
by Caness
Summary: Buffy Pirates xover! Spander, DoylexAngel to come... WillxElizabeth, JackxCordy? lol idk... The Kraken comes to Sunnydale. He brings friends. Rated teen for booze & language
1. Enter: The Kraken!

"Been report of a 'sea monster' all over town," Giles relayed worriedly, polishing his glasses. "I think you should patrol by the lake tonight, Buffy." She nodded, in total Slayer-mode.

"Right."

Patrolling had begun with just Willow and Buffy, but then Xander had wanted to back them up, and Tara had been worried, and Spike had been bored. So there they were, looking out over the glorified puddle on the outskirts of town, feeling more than silly. A wind whipped from the ocean where the air had been still, Spike's vamp senses prickled.

"This is big," was there only warning before a glistening purple tentacle shot out of the shallow water. Spike twitched, ducking behind Xander. Tara and Willow held hands, looking apprehensive. Buffy was front and centre, battle axe at the ready.

Another tentacle, and another, rose out of the water until there were too many to count. A rumbling blanketed the entire body of water, fanning out and making the docile lake turbulent. A large, slimy tentacle struck the earth, nearly taking out Tara. She let go of Willow and jumped back, beginning a chant to create a magickal force-field between them and the beast.

"Earth air fire wind

"May you bend to--"

Willow joined in as they clasped each other's hands once more.

"**_Our _**whim!"

There was a fire in Willow's eyes as a large bubble encased the Scoobies. Buffy looked to Will appreciatively. The creature struck out again, hitting the magick and letting out a roar of dismay.

"Retreat and regroup?" Xander asked hopefully. Buffy gave a curt nod and to Giles' they went.

"Curious," Giles said, frowning in puzzlement. Spike put his hands together excitedly.

"So what say we get to the book-crackin'!" They all looked to him, raising an eyebrow each. "...or I could leave..."

"Riiiiight," Xander said bemusedly. "See you back." Spike gave a non-committal affirmation and slipped out the door.

A few minutes later Anya and Riley were there to help with the "book-crackin'", and Anya ceremonially admonished Xander for risking his neck yet again.

"Aha!" Giles exclaimed triumphantly. Willow looked amused. "Too excited? Yes, well, I've found the creature... seems to be a myth of some sort... An old pirate's tale."

"Way to go, Gman," Xander looked up from his book Anya was holding in his lap. Giles flinched visibly at the old nickname, but made no remark.

"Quite." The old librarian shook his head. Then he read the blurb about the tentacle-monster aloud. "_The Kraken: An ancient mythical beast only subject to_." Giles squinted at the small print. "_the whim of_... _Captain Davy Jones_."

Buffy gave a short, humourless laugh from where she sat next to Riley on the couch. "Figures," she snorted. "So how do we kill it?"

They all strapped on their slaying boots (for the exception of Anya and Giles) and headed back down to the lake. Halfway down the road they, quite literally, ran into a certain bleached vampire. He was distraught.

"Slayer! ...Vamps and demons--all sorts, being snapped up like kibble--"

"--can't say I mind--" Buffy started.

"--twice, thrice as many humans. This.. thing seems to draw energy to it, the demons are trying to stave it off."

"Goody," Xander clipped with his constant air of sarcasm. Spike glared at him evenly before following them into battle.

When they reached the lakeside, many of the demons fled, many others ready to flee.

"Hey," Buffy chided. "Can't we all just get along?" When more left she shrugged, sighing, as they set out to prepare for the witches' spell.

"Hey, Wils," Xander whispered, getting her attention without drawing Buffy's (although the whispers did not escape Spike's vamp hearing). "Let me help?" Willow looked frazzled. She opened her mouth to say something when a tentacle came down right over Xander. She screamed. His aura contracted, and a huge force-field flew out, stopping the Kraken abruptly. The Scoobies' breath caught, Spike's included.

"S-sure," Tara said, smiling.

"Since when...?"

"No time, Wils," Xander warned, using his field to shoot out a burst of energy at the centre of the... thing. "I'll buy you time to do the spell." Willow hesitated. "Go!"

Willow and Tara joined both hands, closing their eyes and casting an easy circle. They chanted quietly until they glowed, throbbing with power. Then they recited the spell from a piece of parchment paper.

"_Creature of the Sea_

"_Breakdown and be_

"_gone to us forever_

"_Hades will split you apart_

"_into slivers_

"_Bargain for bones_

"_with your master_

"_Mister Davy Jones!_"

With those final words a beam of light shot up from the ground, encasing the beast and raising it from the depths of the lake.

"Be gone to us," Xander started the chant.

"Be gone to us." Willow and Tara, as one.

"Be gone to us," Spike whispered.

"Gone to us," Buffy growled.

"Be gone to us," Riley grunted.

"**Be gone to us!**" Willow, Tara, and Xander screamed, some of the lingering demons following suit.

The Kraken gave a cry of desperation, inflating like an awful, foul-smelling balloon. Then, it popped, spraying them all with the horrible liquid of its insides. Its flesh rained from the sky, littering the ground with dust and bones from the demons and men it had eaten. Through the carnage fell a man. A wholesome, breathing man. He was unconscious, and Xander suspended him in the air with his remaining energy.

"Bloody 'ell!" Spike was in shock, enough that he forgot why he had gone to find Buffy in the first place...

"Fuck," Xander said, all his magick used. He felt ragged and on edge. Xander and Spike wound up carrying the man back to Giles' apartment though either one of them most likely could have made an easy job of it seeing as the man was quite slim and of average height. The man had long, dark dreadlocks and a curious beard. His mouth was partially open as he drew in a shallow breath, a glint of gold was visible. His dress was torn and unkempt. He looked as though he had never bathed. He wore a bandanna atop his head and clutched something boxlike to his chest in his long-fingered grasp.

Xander and Spike laid him on Giles' couch. Buffy called for pizza and they all took turns using Giles' shower and changing back into their clothes still drenched in Kraken-juice.

"The Kraken!" the man on the couch screamed, bolting upright and falling to a heap on the ground.

Unseen to all but Spike (and a very sneaky Xander) the man's carefully kept package flew under Spike's chair. He pocketed it before anyone noticed.

"Taken care of, dude," Xander consoled. Buffy went to him and picked the shaken man off the floor.

"What d'ya mean?" The man's coal-rimmed eyes widened.

"Dead. Exploded into a pile of goo," Willow said cheerfully.

"...How?" Buffy smiled.

"I'm your friendly, neighbourhood slayer, and this is my Scooby crew," she said brightly before adding, "Well, minus the vampire." She gestured to Spike and frowned.

"Well aren't you a pretty thing." The man eyed Buffy hungrily. She jumped back, angry. His eyes flashed and the hunger disappeared, melting into a look of desperation as he frantically searched his person. Spike squirmed in his seat, fingering the box in his duster pocket. "The rum's gone!" Spike relaxed, pulling out his flask, and passing it to the man he had surmised was a... pirate?

"Fag?" Spike offered, proffering a cigarette.

"No!" the man cried, standing abruptly at the accusation.

"I only meant... bugger it. So who is it you're supposed to be?" The vampire looked the pirate up and down appraisingly.

"Captain Jack..." His face fell. "Jack Sparrow."

While the gang introduced Jack to the miracle of pizza, he embellished (rather than told) the story of the Cracken and Davy Jones' crew.

"Backs o'two turtles, y'say?" Spike chuckled, Jack and he still pulling from the flask animatedly.

"Don't have the heart to lie to a vampire." The ex-captain's eye twinkled mischievously. Xander rolled his eyes. This man was nuts. In a refreshing way, maybe, but still nuts.

"I have work in the morning," Xander announced, cutting into the jovial mood of University students and retired Librarians. He turned. "Spike, if you want a ride you need to come now." Spike got up begrudgingly, tucking his flask back into his duster with care. "Ta, mate," he saluted Jack.

The inebriated pirate rose staggeringly to his feet, stumbling and moving his hands drunkenly. "Any of you landlubbers have a place to slee--" He passed out on the floor with a loud thump.

"Oh my," Giles enthused. Spike's eyebrows lifted, but he shrugged and threw the man over his shoulder.

"Hey, wait!" Xander whined.

"Good night, Xander," Anya said hopefully, not used to her boyfriend's inattentiveness.

"G'night, An." He gave her a peck on the cheek and they were good to go. He started up his car and made no comment when Jack was thrown into his back seat and Spike was settled in his passenger. They turned a corner, and Spike had a thought, random and fleeting though it was he decided to pursue it.

"So, Xander," he began awkwardly.

"No, Spike, I have no money," Xander sighed exasperatedly. "I spent the last of it on **your **blood."

"Uhh... no. S'not what I was about t'say." Xander raised an eyebrow.

"Well, what then?" Spike doesn't want money? Huh?

"Nothing." Spike shook himself. Then Jack's story crept into his mind and a predatory look came over his eyes. He grinned, slipping into gameface.

"Hey, uh." Xander swallowed, looking mildly alarmed. "You oka.." He found himself with a lapful of vampire and he squeaked, the car veering dangerously.

"Shotgun," Vamp!Spike growled, gesturing to the seat he had just vacated.

"Don'thaveone," Xander retorted immediately.

"Get. In. The. Passenger. Side." Spike paused, shifting back into his human guise when Xan looked frozen to the spot, confused. He picked the human up, only getting static from the hardware in his head, and placed him in the seat he had only just occupied. "Let's just say, I'm commandeering this vehicle, pet."

"You're insane," Xander said worriedly, moving to open the door. Vampire reflexes and the doors were locked and childsafe. Xander just shook his head, pulling out his cell to call work. "So, where to?"

Spike pulled into Angel Investigations around two in the afternoon. Jack sprang awake in the back, waking Xander in the process.

"William!" he gasped, guilty conscience getting the best of him. Spike twitched.

"Where am I? Didn't I get eaten? My rum!" He patted down his pockets. "Shite."

"Do you remember anything?" Xander asked blearily. "We were in Sunnydale, when Fangless here got the bright idea, from you I might add, to 'commandeer' my car and take us to... Angel!" Xander practically flew out of the vehicle, spilling out into the parking lot.

A twittering Cordelia raced out of the building. "Xander!" she exclaimed, pulling him off the asphalt and into a hug. Then she looked to the car. "Is that... Spike?" Xander nodded, still in shock. "Oooo," Cordy squealed, seeing Jack. "He's pretty." Xander rolled his eyes.

"Some things never change," he murmured.

"Well, thankya, luv," Jack chuckled. "Could ya get me outta this contraption?"Cordelia giggled, opening the door. Spike threw his duster over his head and sprinted inside. Cordelia's eyebrows went to her hairline.

"He do that a lot?"

With them all inside and settled, Angel was dumbfounded.

"Wil," he started, reaching out but never getting anywhere.

"Name's Spike, Angel**_us_**," the younger vampire growled. "And **don't **touch me." His eyes glowed dangerously. Then the talking began.

"So you're, like, a neutered puppy, right?" Cordelia asked seriously. Spike coughed.

"I prefer 'puppy' or 'neutered'." He made puppy-eyes. Cordy turned to Xander. "And you're a wizard! Like Harry Potter or something!" She brightened. "My ex-boyfriend is Harry Potter!"

"Um," Xander said uneasily. "More like an alchemist, shamanist typish thing." He waved his hand vaguely. "And, uh, I think you missed the bit about the pirate," he jabbed his hand towards Jack, aura flaring about him angrily. "Or the part where Spike **_kidnapped _**us!"

"Calm down, Xander," Angel requested firmly, raising to his feet.

"Don't tell me what to do, Deadboy." That unmistakable fire leaked into Xander's eyes, and a large gust of wind swept into the room, paper and debris flying through the air.

"Ooh, pet, didn't know you had it in you." Spike laughed, mock-swooning.

"Shut up, Spike," he snapped, frowning. The wind stopped, the papers fluttered to the ground. Cordy and Jack were stunned to silence. "Let's just summarize, shall we?" When no one spoke he pushed forward, eager to cover the fact that he had _let _himself be kidnapped, he wasn't about to analyse that just now. "A bunch of creepy commandos steal Bleach Boy Wonder's bite. Couple weeks later, giant tentacle monster. We slay monster, pirate appears. Spike gets drunk pirate _drunker _AND SPIKE GETS THE IDEA TO KIDNAP A NOVICE WITCH AND A USELESS PIRATE TAKING US TO L.A. TO FIND HIS SOULED POOF OF A SIRE THAT HE _SUPPOSEDLY _HATES!" Xander was fuming, books swirling about the room, heavy, dangerous objects lobbing through the air. They were all more-or-less aimed at Spike. A few hit their mark.

"Oi! What's the idea!"

A man Xander had never seen before ducked into the room. He eyed the vampire and the witch nervously, watching their open display of immaturity. He decided to ignore Spike and the newcomer for the moment. "Some creepy guys in camo, Angel."

Angel nodded. "Right. Thanks, Doyle." Xander and Spike were already scoping out places to hide. Jack beelined for the minifridge in all the confusion, nose wrinkling when he only found Angel's supply of pig's blood.

"Vampires." He shrugged, making himself scarce and heading into L.A. downtown while everyone else was hiding, plotting, or holding a big gun.

The Initiative forced the door, and in a second Cordelia was there. "Welcome to Angel Investigations," she said with a smile. They ignored her, barging through her desk. "How rude!" She picked up the first heavy object she found, which happened to be a paper weight, and knocked out the guy in back. The rest didn't even notice. There was a beep of the tracking device Riley was holding. Forest ripped Angel's desk from the floor, shoving it back. There were Xander and Spike, torn from their brilliant hiding spot.

"Spike?" Riley mouthed in disbelief.

"Hostile 17!" Forest and Graham shouted simultaneously, raising their guns.

"Now wait a minute," Spike said in a strange accent. "I'm an old friend of Xanderrr's like I told this guy beforrrre."He gestured to Riley nervously.

"Uhh, I'm thinking we should leave." That earned Riley a cool glare from Forest.

"Are you crazy?" Angel flew threw the air, knocking the black man out. He looked up at Graham threateningly, in gameface. Graham shot and Xander panicked. He pushed all the energy towards the bullet and it stopped, mid-air, before spinning and grazing Graham's arm before shattering the glass and falling dead on the tile.

"We need to leave," Riley reiterated. Graham made no argument as blood gushed from his arm. He helped Forest and... the other guy back into the truck before they drove away.

"Okayyy," Xander enthused once the commandos had left. "Let's get that tracer out of you..."

"Tracer!" Spike looked alarmed. "What th-hell's a tracer?"

"It's how they found us, you must've gotten shot."

"Ohhhhh. That was what I forgot." He shook his head, pulling his t-shirt off his back. With some focus, Xander pulled the bullet out with magick, ignoring Spike's muffled cries of pain. He threw the tracer to Doyle, motioning for him to destroy it.

"Hey, where's Jack?" Spike asked.

Jack found himself in an old pub for old L.A. drunks. Seeing as it was a young city, the place was near deserted, and Jack preferred it that way. He sighed, feeling lonely and lost--figured maybe, quite possibly, he deserved it. Then he looked up from his lager into familiar green eyes.

"Elizabeth!"

Xander pulled up to the Hotel, duffel bag full of blood and Angel's clothes at Spike's feet. The hotel was close to Angel Investigations, and it was cheap and seedy, not that he cared because Spike was paying for the room on Giles' dime. The room had a bed, if it could be called that, and a ratty pull-out couch. It would do. They could look for Jack first thing tomorrow.

The walk up to the room was silent, but the second Xander pulled the door closed behind him with a click, the vampire had him by the scruff of his neck. Spike was very careful not to hurt or think of hurting. The chip stayed quiet. Spike would hold him back, but if Xander resisted full-force, the vampire would have to let go. The human stayed put. Spike said nothing, relishing in the feel of having control of a human, even if not really.

"Why are you helping me?" Spike demanded.

"You won't wanna hear it," Xander warned. Spike bit back a cry of frustration, pushing Xander up against the far wall of the hotel room, placing hands on either sides of the man's head. He vamped out for dramatic effect, snarling. Xander's eyebrow raised. Seemed to be a Spike-induced thing. "What are you gonna do? Lick me?" That didn't sound like a half-bad idea to Spike's demon. He could hear the Human's blood pumping all hot and inviting... "Ew! Spike drool.." Xander took the vampire by the head and pushed him away.

"Oh, dammit." Spike clutched his head as the chip fired, scrambling his brains. He started sliding to the ground, but a force stopped him. When the pain subsided he was in Xander's arms. He jumped back.

"That's why," Xander sighed.


	2. The gangs all here

"Where could they have gone?" Buffy asked Giles as if he already knew .

"Maybe Spike and Xander ended up wherever it is that Jack Sparrow guy came from," Willow offered. Buffy frowned.

"I hope not." Just then Anya barged in.

"Where is he Where is he Where is he?" She rampaged about the room, half sobbing. "We have to save Xander. What if he's hurt or trapped or alone or dismembered or eviscerated or..."

"Let's not jump to conclusions now," Giles said in an attempt to calm her down. "I'm sure Xander is just fine."

"This is Spike's doing, I know it," Buffy growled, picking up the phone.

"Back at Angel Investigations Spike was working through Angel's blood supply. Xander on Cordelia's coffee. They still hadn't the faintest idea where it was that Jack had run off to. The phone rang loudly. Xander jumped--Spike had bit of a laugh at his expense.

"Angel Investigations. Helping the helpless for a small fee," Cordelia said in a sunny voice. "Oh my god. Buffy!" Doyle had come to join Xander and Spike at the small table. They were all listening intently. "Uh-huh... No, haven't seen them... No, it's daylight... Yeah, I'll tell him... Let you know... Take care of yourself... Bye." Xander sighed out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding.

"Thanks for covering for us, Cordy!"

"Right. It's no b, Xander." She smiled, moving to sort through some more files. Doyle eyed the exchange with not a small amount of jealousy. Xander's eyes widened at the realisation.

"You like Cordelia!" he accused in a voice she couldn't hear as she hummed through her monotonous tasks.

"Yes, well, she hates me."

"Well, you are a demon," Spike helpfully pointed out. Doyle panicked, looking to see if the brunette had heard.

"She doesn't know?" Xander couldn't believe it. "I mean, you are only half, but... Damn. I'm sorry, man."

"How'd you..?" Spike started, but Jack and Elizabeth took that moment to come into the room and startle them all. "Who's the bint?" Elizabeth frowned.

"You were so right," she bit out, glaring at Jack. "It's no wonder you two got along."

"Tetchy," Spike chided, grabbing a cold blood bag and tearing it open.

"Is that...?" The blonde flinched. Spike smiled toothily, vamping out and sinking into the plastic with his fangs. "Right. Sorry I asked." Spike deflated. The girl didn't frazzle easy, he'd give her that. "So where's Will?"

"Alright," Jack confessed, holding his ringed index fingers up in his own defence. "Here's the thing..." Elizabeth rolled her eyes, crossing her arms.

"I should know better than to trust the word of a pirate."

"Probably," Spike cut in, still in gameface.

"Welcome to Angel Investigations. We help the helpless!" Cordy wrinkled her nose, making the helpful face.

"Wait, Jack, maybe you aren't so useless after all..." Elizabeth smiled, "I'm Elizabeth Swann, Jack's... friend." She said the word as if it came naturally, but it was apparent to everyone in the room that it hadn't.

"Oh yay, customers!" Cordy clapped her hands together. "Doyle, wake up Angel, will you?"

"Angel?" Elizabeth inquired.

"Souled vampire," Jack answered quickly. Elizabeth simply nodded.

After all was explained and Angel was up and at 'em Cordy went about the research thing. Xander shirked out any of that by cleaning up the earlier mess he had made of Angel's books earlier. Angel himself drifted into the room.

"Y'know, I'm sorry about this..."

"Doesn't matter."

"We're intruding on your lives with our little... pirate problem."

"_'We'_?" Angel mocked. "If I didn't know any better I would say you were getting a little cozy with my childe."

"He kidnapped me!" Xander protested, his cheeks flaming. Angel rolled his eyes.

"Yes, and that's why you've made so many attempts to leave and why he had to tie you up while you were sleeping to drag you here seeing as he is chipped.."

Meanwhile, Spike and Jack were doing their best to annoy Elizabeth Swann to the point of breaking. Finally she just couldn't take it.

"Jack, where's the compass?" jack feigned innocence, smiling sweetly. "That compass is Will's only chance!"

"Good afternoon, sir. My name is William Turner and I am afraid I have lost track of my fiancée." Doyle smiled.

"About yayheigh, blonde hair? Go by Elizabeth?"

Spike snuck away while Jack and Elizabeth were arguing to try and find out what made the rectangular object so valuable. He opened the box carefully, and sure enough there was an old pirate's compass. But instead of pointing north its stubborn peg pointed towards the west side of the small office. Spike sighed, "Greatt, I stole a faulty compass." He moved back out to the mini fridge area to see a new face. He was as handsome as Jack, but much more hygienic.

"William!" Elizabeth crooned delightedly, leaping into the man's arms and sharing a passionate kiss. Spike flinched and set out to find Xander, unknowingly wandering west.

Here he found the annoying chit, Cordelia, his equally annoying sire, and Xander, who was annoying up until recently.

"So let me get this straight."Cordelia processed. "You want us to help you find away to remove this chip from your formerly evil vampire buddy?" she asked incredulously.

"Alright you stupid bint. Still evil just can't kill.. and? me and Harris? Not _buddies_." Spike dropped his human guise, snarling and walking towards her menacingly. Angel stepped in front of her.

"Spike," he barked at his childe, baring his fangs. "Why the hell did you come here?"

"Oh wot?" Spike asked innocently. "You don't love me?" He pouted cinematically, Xander chuckled. Angel was less amused. Spike relented, shrugging, then looked to Xander. The boy looked... awkward, but... supportive? What the fuck. "Look. The slayer's annoying enough as it is. I needed someone, preferably a demon; ideally a vampire--that's you--with resources." A beat. "I don't have resources," Spike said seriously.

"Alright," Angel sighed, giving in. "Here's the deal. I don't help you, I don't tell Buffy you are here but I will not help. I will lend Xander my resources and let him perform any ritual or chip-removing act on the property, but you listen to me, childe. You go back to your murderous ways and I will stake you myself." Xander squirmed, this was getting personal.

"I'll just... yeah." Xander squicked out, skirting out of the room. He decided to check on Jack and his pretty friend. When he found them Jack had acquired another pretty friend, and he had not just thought of a man as pretty, but Goddess, did this man..rate know ugly people?

"Hey..Xander," Jack choked out, surprisingly lucid for a man being pinned to the wall by his throat.

"Am I... interrupting something?" His life was so fucked.


End file.
